Homelessness, Hunger and Hypocrisy Part II: Hunger

Wyatt has learned the words "I'm starving," and I'm sorry to say that he's learned them from me. I am one of those people who would rather be cold, dripping wet, or exhausted, than hungry. Yep, I'm one of those people who feels my insignificant hunger as though it is the end of the world -- I feel my blood sugar drop, my stomach rumble, and I get close to insane. I've learned to keep snacks in every purse, in the car, in my office .... and I've given up on ever doing a fast to detox or cleanse. Aaron and I tried a three day liquid fast once, when we lived in Alabama and I was reading Dr. Weil's 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. By the end of the second hour I was so hungry, just plain starving, that I gave up. The knowledge that I wasn't supposed to access food made me want it more than I would have, had I just started the day normally.

I've been thinking about hunger recently, in light of what everyone is so prosaically calling "this economic downturn," and a terrific hour of programming on NPR (which I have searched the archives for, to link it here, and can't find it!) a couple of weeks ago, focusing on the plight of soup kitchens who are facing increasing need with decreasing resources. I've been thinking about hunger, too, in light of a "treat" I bought myself recently, and that I've been feeling awkward and guilty about.

Every time I go grocery shopping, I budget in a small treat. The treat changes frequently: Aaron sometimes wants chocolate soy milk, Wyatt often wants fruit snacks, the other day I saw a perfectly ripe persimmon and brought it home for the three of us to share. I shop every 10 days or so, and budget the treat into meal planning expenses.

Well, 2 weeks ago I bought a treat that cost a bit more than usual -- I spent just over $12. on a small package of goat cheese, a beautiful jar of pumpkin butter, and a sleeve of salteen crackers. If you haven't tried this combination, and you're a fan of goat cheese, you have to try it .... seriously. That's a pretty expensive treat -- and its one that only I enjoy. Wyatt used to like goat cheese quite a bit, but his 4 year old palate isn't as sophisticated as his 3 year old palate was; and Aaron hates goat cheese almost as much as he hates papaya. So it was an expensive treat, and only for me.

As I hear Wyatt say "I'm starving," and hear NPR talk about true hunger, and hear myself worrying about the huge heating bill we got in the mail, while spooning goat cheese onto my saltine, I feel a bit guilty. We can afford it, yes - it only put me $2.84 over my budgeted $125. for 10 days (including the holiday meals). But, still .... just think of what $12 could buy in necessities, rather than luxuries! Ramen, apples, potatoes, bread, lettuce, sweet potatoes, onions, cheese .... $12 is a huge luxury - and a small bit of the necessary.

I don't actually believe in feeling guilty -- it doesn't do much good! I believe, instead, in doing better (when we know better, we do better, I hope). So, I've decided that, as long as we can afford the small luxuries of a treat with our necessary groceries, we can also afford to help those who are truly starving, truly hungry (in body and in spirit). I'll donate the exact amount of our "treats" to a food bank, either in the form of a monetary grant or an equivalent amount of food; and, our family is going to work with the Homeless Assistance Team at the United Church of Christ here in Des Moines, volunteering once a month to help end hunger here in the city.

That seems more effective and productive than trying to eradicate "I'm starving" from the language I use each day.

Homelessness, Hunger, Hypocrisy Part I: Homelessness

It has been bitter cold here, in the -20s at night, and I've been thinking alot about people who don't have four warm walls around them. On Sunday night, the city of Des Moines tore down the huts of a long-standing homeless community on the banks of the Des Moines River. The eviction of the community's residents came after a fire that was caused when a resident kicked over a propane heater while sleeping - it exploded, severely injured him, and burned the hut down.

The city is going to find emergency short-term shelter for these people - and plans to build an additional and larger shelter in Des Moines are being "fast-tracked" against the wishes of constituents who fear lower property values as a result of the shelter's location. So perhaps good will come of this -- short-term, warmer, safer housing and a larger shelter for those in need.

But as I read the articles and view the pictures, I see something else, something that is being lost: the sense of efficacy and community and activism that the residents of the homeless gathering felt. This is a long-term (at least 18 month-old) squatter's community, serviced by community organizers, activists, and people of faith. Tearing down the huts represents more than a material loss -- it is an immaterial loss of community.

Immaterial. In our culture, we think of immaterial as unimportant -- lets rehabilitate that word, rehab it (to keep with an architectural theme). To lose the immaterial: a sense of efficacy, togetherness, community, peace and safety - feels as important as to lose a home.

Thinking about all of this has made me realize, too, how petty my own home-related concerns are. Mindful of the environmental and pocket-book costs of heating the house, I stress when I put the heater above 66 (68 is my limit!). Getting the water bill yesterday, I was stunned to see that some new taxes have doubled doubled our monthly bill - from a usual $40 for sewer, trash and water to $93. This is a significant jump for us, especially in the winter when Aaron is unemployed - and I stressed about it for a good day or so.

But, the thing really is, we can afford it. We can afford to have the heater at 68 when we need to, and we can insulate the house even better to keep it warmer, and less drafty. We have running water, and a water heater, and plenty of blankets.

Even more than that - we have the immaterial: a family, a community, respect and love for each other, joy in our days. For that I'm grateful.

So, long time, no posting!

Here it is, already mid-December, and I've not written since September 3rd! The lag is in part, of course, because once the semester starts I get too busy to do much of any "fun" writing - its also because I've been doing a lot of academic (and still fun) writing -- I've had an article accepted to the International Review of Qualitative Research, and one in a new book that will be titled Feminism, Fashion, and Flair -- and I've found it hard to go back and forth between the two types of writing. Also, FACEBOOK has been my downfall - I tend to post quick things there, rather than elaborating here.

But, to be honest, one of the real reasons I found it hard to find time to blog was that you all started making comments! Knowing that people were reading, and engaging, and commenting had the paradoxical effect of making me SHY and reticent to write. ARGH.

I don't write this to invite less participation from you - I write it to, ironically, invite more.

Tell me what you think: Why do we write? Why do we write publicly? How do we handle the vulnerability? Is it hubris to blog? When you read a blog, why do you do it? Why do you visit this particular one?

I had a friend say to me in early September that he was surprised I wasn't writing about more political things - that I was choosing to blog on the personal (Wyatt's first day of school, yoga, etc.) -- but to me, as a feminist, the personal is of course political - I intend to write a lot more about that, in the coming weeks - how we live our lives is a political decision. Its a spiritual decision, too. And often, I am so less than perfect - I'm in progress, to be sure -- I want to hear about you and your processes for becoming a consistent person, for living your values in your day-to-day life. That's what my blogs title is about: I value books, simplicity, and life (smillassimplelife!) - and I plan to blog more and more about those values, as 2009 dawns.

I'm going to come back here weekly, if not more often, and I really look forward to continuing a series of conversations about writing, living, reading, cooking, yoga-ing, teaching, loving, and praising. I hope you'll come back weekly, if not more often, and commenting away.