Homelessness, Hunger and Hypocrisy Part II: Hunger

Wyatt has learned the words "I'm starving," and I'm sorry to say that he's learned them from me. I am one of those people who would rather be cold, dripping wet, or exhausted, than hungry. Yep, I'm one of those people who feels my insignificant hunger as though it is the end of the world -- I feel my blood sugar drop, my stomach rumble, and I get close to insane. I've learned to keep snacks in every purse, in the car, in my office .... and I've given up on ever doing a fast to detox or cleanse. Aaron and I tried a three day liquid fast once, when we lived in Alabama and I was reading Dr. Weil's 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. By the end of the second hour I was so hungry, just plain starving, that I gave up. The knowledge that I wasn't supposed to access food made me want it more than I would have, had I just started the day normally.

I've been thinking about hunger recently, in light of what everyone is so prosaically calling "this economic downturn," and a terrific hour of programming on NPR (which I have searched the archives for, to link it here, and can't find it!) a couple of weeks ago, focusing on the plight of soup kitchens who are facing increasing need with decreasing resources. I've been thinking about hunger, too, in light of a "treat" I bought myself recently, and that I've been feeling awkward and guilty about.

Every time I go grocery shopping, I budget in a small treat. The treat changes frequently: Aaron sometimes wants chocolate soy milk, Wyatt often wants fruit snacks, the other day I saw a perfectly ripe persimmon and brought it home for the three of us to share. I shop every 10 days or so, and budget the treat into meal planning expenses.

Well, 2 weeks ago I bought a treat that cost a bit more than usual -- I spent just over $12. on a small package of goat cheese, a beautiful jar of pumpkin butter, and a sleeve of salteen crackers. If you haven't tried this combination, and you're a fan of goat cheese, you have to try it .... seriously. That's a pretty expensive treat -- and its one that only I enjoy. Wyatt used to like goat cheese quite a bit, but his 4 year old palate isn't as sophisticated as his 3 year old palate was; and Aaron hates goat cheese almost as much as he hates papaya. So it was an expensive treat, and only for me.

As I hear Wyatt say "I'm starving," and hear NPR talk about true hunger, and hear myself worrying about the huge heating bill we got in the mail, while spooning goat cheese onto my saltine, I feel a bit guilty. We can afford it, yes - it only put me $2.84 over my budgeted $125. for 10 days (including the holiday meals). But, still .... just think of what $12 could buy in necessities, rather than luxuries! Ramen, apples, potatoes, bread, lettuce, sweet potatoes, onions, cheese .... $12 is a huge luxury - and a small bit of the necessary.

I don't actually believe in feeling guilty -- it doesn't do much good! I believe, instead, in doing better (when we know better, we do better, I hope). So, I've decided that, as long as we can afford the small luxuries of a treat with our necessary groceries, we can also afford to help those who are truly starving, truly hungry (in body and in spirit). I'll donate the exact amount of our "treats" to a food bank, either in the form of a monetary grant or an equivalent amount of food; and, our family is going to work with the Homeless Assistance Team at the United Church of Christ here in Des Moines, volunteering once a month to help end hunger here in the city.

That seems more effective and productive than trying to eradicate "I'm starving" from the language I use each day.

Homelessness, Hunger, Hypocrisy Part I: Homelessness

It has been bitter cold here, in the -20s at night, and I've been thinking alot about people who don't have four warm walls around them. On Sunday night, the city of Des Moines tore down the huts of a long-standing homeless community on the banks of the Des Moines River. The eviction of the community's residents came after a fire that was caused when a resident kicked over a propane heater while sleeping - it exploded, severely injured him, and burned the hut down.

The city is going to find emergency short-term shelter for these people - and plans to build an additional and larger shelter in Des Moines are being "fast-tracked" against the wishes of constituents who fear lower property values as a result of the shelter's location. So perhaps good will come of this -- short-term, warmer, safer housing and a larger shelter for those in need.

But as I read the articles and view the pictures, I see something else, something that is being lost: the sense of efficacy and community and activism that the residents of the homeless gathering felt. This is a long-term (at least 18 month-old) squatter's community, serviced by community organizers, activists, and people of faith. Tearing down the huts represents more than a material loss -- it is an immaterial loss of community.

Immaterial. In our culture, we think of immaterial as unimportant -- lets rehabilitate that word, rehab it (to keep with an architectural theme). To lose the immaterial: a sense of efficacy, togetherness, community, peace and safety - feels as important as to lose a home.

Thinking about all of this has made me realize, too, how petty my own home-related concerns are. Mindful of the environmental and pocket-book costs of heating the house, I stress when I put the heater above 66 (68 is my limit!). Getting the water bill yesterday, I was stunned to see that some new taxes have doubled doubled our monthly bill - from a usual $40 for sewer, trash and water to $93. This is a significant jump for us, especially in the winter when Aaron is unemployed - and I stressed about it for a good day or so.

But, the thing really is, we can afford it. We can afford to have the heater at 68 when we need to, and we can insulate the house even better to keep it warmer, and less drafty. We have running water, and a water heater, and plenty of blankets.

Even more than that - we have the immaterial: a family, a community, respect and love for each other, joy in our days. For that I'm grateful.

So, long time, no posting!

Here it is, already mid-December, and I've not written since September 3rd! The lag is in part, of course, because once the semester starts I get too busy to do much of any "fun" writing - its also because I've been doing a lot of academic (and still fun) writing -- I've had an article accepted to the International Review of Qualitative Research, and one in a new book that will be titled Feminism, Fashion, and Flair -- and I've found it hard to go back and forth between the two types of writing. Also, FACEBOOK has been my downfall - I tend to post quick things there, rather than elaborating here.

But, to be honest, one of the real reasons I found it hard to find time to blog was that you all started making comments! Knowing that people were reading, and engaging, and commenting had the paradoxical effect of making me SHY and reticent to write. ARGH.

I don't write this to invite less participation from you - I write it to, ironically, invite more.

Tell me what you think: Why do we write? Why do we write publicly? How do we handle the vulnerability? Is it hubris to blog? When you read a blog, why do you do it? Why do you visit this particular one?

I had a friend say to me in early September that he was surprised I wasn't writing about more political things - that I was choosing to blog on the personal (Wyatt's first day of school, yoga, etc.) -- but to me, as a feminist, the personal is of course political - I intend to write a lot more about that, in the coming weeks - how we live our lives is a political decision. Its a spiritual decision, too. And often, I am so less than perfect - I'm in progress, to be sure -- I want to hear about you and your processes for becoming a consistent person, for living your values in your day-to-day life. That's what my blogs title is about: I value books, simplicity, and life (smillassimplelife!) - and I plan to blog more and more about those values, as 2009 dawns.

I'm going to come back here weekly, if not more often, and I really look forward to continuing a series of conversations about writing, living, reading, cooking, yoga-ing, teaching, loving, and praising. I hope you'll come back weekly, if not more often, and commenting away.

Pro-Life and Family Values

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/09/02/palin_slashed_funding_to_help.html

As governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin used her veto power to slash funding for teenage moms, women and children living in poverty, and families in need of assistance. I respect her pro-life position, to a great extent, I share it (though I'd make wider exceptions for the well-being of the woman involved) -- but I cannot conscience calling these types of programmatic cuts "pro-life" or "family values."

Howard Wolfson brings me to tears

Can't sit down long enough to construct an elegant post on this, or even type it into html text! But this op-ed by Howard Wolfson in the Washington Post explains so much to me about the Clinton campaign - all during the campaign I thought, "gosh are they deaf to Obama's message?" turns out they were, for understandable and interesting reasons. Anyway, can't post now (its a holiday, and we're hanging out family style....) but read this op-ed:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/08/31/AR2008083101620.html


PS Thanks for the comments everyone!!! Its nice to not write in a vacuum.

Sarah Palin, VP Nominee

On my way to Wyatt's Peace Day celebration at his school, I heard the announcement that John McCain had named Sarah Palin, the Republican governor of Alaska, as his running mate. I didn't mention it at Peace Day, because I wasn't feeling too peaceful about the announcement - but I've been chewing it over for a couple of hours, and need to weigh in.

Here's the deal. I think it is a cynical, cynical choice. It is a choice that actually makes me sad.

I also think it has the potential to be a brilliant political move -- it says to wavering Hillary Rodham Clinton supporters that McCain will do what Obama didn't, and name a female running mate, it gives them the hope of a woman in the presidency. Sarah Palin is a self-described pro-life woman with five kids who has a successful political career. A true working mom. And I have to respect that in her. Palin does seem to be a maverick of the type that McCain used to style himself - the pick is an interesting move back to that identity.

Even more, by picking someone from Alaska, the McCain campaign shores up what was looking like a more contested battlefield than that state usually is, and it makes it difficult to evaluate her record (we tend to ignore Alaska in the lower 48!).

And, Democrats will have to tread carefully in going after Palin - they don't want to look like attack dogs sicked on a nice woman (former beauty queen! bi-racial husband! 5 kids, one born recently, and with Downs Syndrome) , nor can they be paternalistic in a refusal to confront her (lack of) experience on the national scene.

So, a brilliant tactical move.

Why, then, do I think it is cynical? Why does it make me so sad?

Because I think it is a campaign move, not a governance move. Judging from what I've read of her record, Sarah Palin is very likely not ready to govern our nation. She certainly is going to have a hard time proving that she is. So its a political move - meant to win a presidency -- not a measured, thoughtful, determined move to govern the country.

And, it seems to me to be a move that actually uses Sarah Palin more than it honors her. There are many conservative women with excellent credentials who would have made smart political and governance choices for John McCain -- why pick one with so little experience on the national scene??

Sometimes I think that McCain is the sacrificial lamb this year - the one pushed to run and compete against the Democrats in a year that looks like it should be theirs ... he would have had a tough race against any of the likely winners from 18 months' agos beginning (Clinton, Edwards, Obama).

Now I wonder if Palin isn't the more sacrificial of the two - a young woman picked for purely expedient reasons and thrust on the national stage by a cynical and failing campaign. Apart from our policy differences (on environmental issues, for example - she is a huge friend of Big Oil), apart from those differences, I feel sisterhood for her, I'm a working mom too - and I am sorry that she accepted McCain's call.

Wake up America!

This clip of Dennis Kucinich's speech to the DNC has gotten some play, but not, in my estimation, enough. His clarion call, "Wake Up America!" is more than a political call, it is a profoundly spiritual one. My husband, Aaron, first recognized it, and reminded me of one of my favorite stories in Zen Buddhism, about a monk who exhorts the practitioners to "wake up!" to become enlightened. Given Kucinich's practices and beliefs, I know that he is calling for America to do more than wake up to the implications of the Bush presidency, to the poverty, desperation, and decline in our nation -- he is calling on Americans to literally wake up, to become enlightened, to be mindful of our impact in the world - from global warming to our smallest, most minute daily interactions. We are all connected - and Kuchinich's fiery speech wants to remind us of that.

Today, at least, I am awake.

Obama '08

A friend just sent me the link to a new Obama ad -- I love it. It has a sense of humor, it's playful - yet biting in its treatment of
John "7 to 10 houses" McCain.

Even better than the ad is the terrific NYT's Sunday Magazine article, written by David Leonhart, explaining Obama's economic policy influences.

Wyatt's First Day of Big-Boy School !!

Wow.  I have a kid in the public school system.  

One of the reasons we moved to Des Moines a couple of years ago was to be able to feel good about the public schools and send Wyatt to one - and we were really excited about the charter schools in Des Moines.  In fact, we got him on "the list" at Cowles Elementary before we even made the physical move back to the midwest.    Cowles Montessori is a public Montessori School - the only one in all of Iowa.

We fell in love with it because it has mixed age classrooms -- our guy has a December birthday, so can't go to kindergarten until he's nearly 6 -- and has an explicit ethic of peace.  The Montessori Method focuses on child-directed skill building, respect for others and materials, and focused work.  I think its going to suit Wyatt well -- we'll have to see!

But, even though Aaron and I know its the right place for Wyatt to be right now - and light years better than his most recent childcare experience (which wasn't all bad, but goodness they watched lots of movies, ate lots of cupcakes, and learned zero conflict resolution skills....) -- even though we know this is a good place and the right place and we've waited more than 18 months to get him in, even so, today was hard!!

I mean, this little guy - 30 lbs soaking wet -- is toting in a backpack that's nearly as tall as he is.  In one pouch is a water bottle with his name on it, in the other is a bottle of spray-on sunscreen (SPF 50).  In the backpack itself is a cowboy blanket made by Grandma Paula, and a poptart that he likely won't eat.  We get to school and he says, like he's finally, all of a sudden, getting it: I'm going to be at Cowles alone?  Umm, yep.  

But he's thrilled -- ready -- in fact, the day that the principal met him, he said "My name is Wyatt.  W - Y - A - T - T."  And then he wrote it down for her (backwards, but all the letters were there).  And she said "You're ready for Cowles!"  Which has become his mantra -- out of the blue, in the weeks leading up to this transition, "I'm ready for Cowles."

But man -- wow.  He has his own LOCKER!  (With a bunny on it that has his name).  Locker 125.  I like to find significance in numbers - I can't find any in this one.  It leaves me disconcerted.  And man - wow -- the potty is actually a bathroom with urinals and located down the hall from his classroom.  He was so into it, the day that we first went to visit the school, he said "mom, I don't have to stand on my tip-toes to pee!!"

But he's still my teeny kid!  My baby.  I never thought I'd say it.  I disdain those mothers and fathers who over-parent their kids, especially the college-age ones - who bring them here for Iowa Private College Week and speak for them, rather than sit back and let them talk and learn and be curious.  The parents who have more questions for me than the students.  But I need to have compassion for them, because I'm starting to understand - it starts when they are this big: 

and continues on, at least until they're three or four!  

So, Wyatt went to school today!  Big boy school.

We spent so much time prepping him - enjoying the prep, actually.  I took him with me to get him registered (CRAP! I forgot the form for the school nurse.  Must get that in!!).  We took him to the opening of the Peace Garden on the front lawn of the school - Aaron got to meet some of the families that have Cowles Kids, too, that I already know from the Unitarian Universalist Church, and from work.  Then we went back again for the Open House and Orientation. Wyatt got to officially meet his teacher (Mrs. Wright) and the teacher's aide (Mrs. Grubb) and, even more importantly: Buddy the Bunny who lives in his classroom, and is a girl rabbit who has lived there for 8 years (going home with Mrs. Wright on weekends and summer break and over the winter holidays).  Wyatt is already a HUGE fan of Buddy.  

So we got him off to school this morning.  With all the preparation we could give him - and he was ready.  Emotionally very ready.  Physically not so much ... I mean, I drug his butt out of bed half an hour early, tried to get him to eat some breakfast (no luck), forgot to brush his teeth, and did not bother with the hair or sleep in his eyes.  Didn't anticipate that he'd need a jacket (we're still SO California some times ....) and he shivered as he held his dad's hand, clutching his backpack onto his back, walking up to the school.  

So physically, not as prepared as I'd like him to have been.  But emotionally ready.  And I guess that's the better of the two.

SIMPLE, DEFINED

I added a third kira to my asana practice this morning -- bowing.  Basically, you kneel on the ground, and bow to touch your forehead to the floor - over and over and over.  Gurmukh writes, that this is a "simple pose."  

Which helps me understand what "simple" means, really -- it doesn't mean Easy!!  To me, to be simple means to be pared down of unnecessary and burdening complexities - to be direct - but it doesn't mean easy, or dumbed-down, or simplistic.  Simple can be transformative.

My Kundalini Practice

I've benefited so much from having two sets of yoga practice!  My anusaura practice kicks my butt and lifts my spirits.  My kundalini practice has strengthened my resolve, opened my energy, and helped me clear blocks.  

So every once in a while, I'd like to share some of my daily practice.  

I have been working with Gurmukh's Seven Human Talents since 2001, when I first went through it and did 40 days with each chakra.  Now, I do occasional tune-ups when I'm feeling an emotional block or physical block in one area.  In July and August, I've been working on Chakra 6 -- which corresponds to the pituitary gland and intuition.

So I've been doing this difficult set lately -- sit cross-legged and bring your hands in a prayer mudra with your thumbs meeting at your third-eye point (right at the brow bone, between your eyes).  Breathe deeply with your hands here for 3, 7, or 11 minutes.  You may want to silently chat "Sat Nam."  Next, hold your arms our to your side, parallel to the ground, and simply (ha!) flap your hands at the wrist up and down, rapidly, breathing strongly, for 3, 7, or 11 minutes (gosh if you can do it for 11 minutes I'm impressed!).   When you're done, sit silently and breathe deeply for as long as your time allows.

These two kiras, combined, will balance your brain, and trigger your own awareness of your intuition.

Sat nam and namaste!

Ashby Park Wading Pool

I'm sitting at Ashby Park wading pool watching kids play, be mean to each other, shiver because its not really warm enough, melt in the humidity, and generally have fun.  I can't believe it is almost the end of summer - that the city of Des Moines is going to start draining these pools alarmingly soon (too soon!).  And, I can't believe that I finally have a child that doesn't demand my every moment's attention - a child that told me, "Don't come in the water, mommy.  Sit and write some more.  I'm going to go float."  What a lovely rejection!  What I've waited for since becoming a parent - a sign that parenting in a responsive, attached, present way would help him feel secure in our bond, secure enough even to desire a break from it!  

Last night, we went to a Neighborhood Night Out event.  We weren't in our neighborhood, we went down to the Chamberlain Park neighborhood instead, because Aaron had to work there. He unloaded picnic tables and trash cans, then mingled with the residents and various city officials who showed up (the mayor for 5 minutes, the police sargent long enough for a plate of food). Wyatt and I came down, played in the park with bunches of kids -- going down the twirly slide, then walking up it like a spiderman -- me pushing Wyatt and a new friend, Kimmel, in the swings ("Higher!" "More!" they both yelled and laughed).  We ate cookies and drank their lemonade - all donated by Hy-Vee and Dahls -- and learned how to pick up winter cash by delivering phone books for Qwest.  

When we drove back through Beaverdale there was an even huger celebration -- the Isiserettes were out to perform, there were tons of people (at lesat 100!) at Snookies Malt Shop. I wished Aaron was in the car with us so we could stop as a family - but he was still at Chamberlain, working til 9.  We went home, Wyatt and I, and walked Daisy.  Wyatt rode his bike -- he is finally big enough to push the pedals by himself!  

So he's gotten "big" at two things.  He asks for space and time to play without his mom, and he can push his own bike pedals (legs are finally long enough!).  Some people experience these moments of growth, I think, as bittersweet.  I check myself to see if I do - and Nope.  I'm happy to see such a confident, growing, joyful kid develop out of the baby that we had such a seemingly short time ago!

This BLOG is IN PROGRESS :)

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